


you’ve got me where you want me (my back against the wall)

by cryingintheclub



Series: all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign (sick and full of pride) [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27298546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingintheclub/pseuds/cryingintheclub
Summary: Justin knows Theo is trouble. But he just can’t stop kissing Theo back when Theo puts his lips on top of his. Justin knows this — whatever this is — will just end in disaster. A hasty, hormonal fuelled mistake that is bound to end up in flames; Theo has a girlfriend. One that likes him, despite Theo not liking her back. This thing between them will end in disaster, and not just because Theo is seeing someone; because it started as a way for Theo to quietly rebel against his father. A rash decision made when Theo’s hands were still shaking at his father’s letter, at the expectation that he would become a Death Eater, without even a thought about maybe it just wasn’t what Theo wanted for his life.
Relationships: Justin Finch-Fletchley/Theodore Nott
Series: all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign (sick and full of pride) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017819
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	you’ve got me where you want me (my back against the wall)

It starts towards the end of fifth year, on a dreary, rainy day in May. 

  
Justin’s furiously writing out a History of Magic essay that he’s forgotten about, chewing his bottom lip in frustration at Ernie refusing to give him his essay for help. 

(“ _How_ are you going to do well in your O.W.Ls if you’re not doing the work yourself?” Ernie had said when Justin had pleaded for him to hand over his essay.)

A figure seated at a table in the corner of the library catches Justin’s eye. He puts down his quill, carefully studying Theodore Nott at the table, hands shaking as he clutches a letter. His jaw is clenched, eyes hardened as he reads the contents of the letter. 

Feeling eyes on him, Theo looks up, eyebrows raised at Justin. Justin looks down at his parchment, cheeks heating up at being caught staring, but he couldn’t help himself. Theo is fascinating to Justin. He’s always piqued Justin’s interest; the way he doesn’t conform to Draco Malfoy’s merry band of followers, instead choosing to sit by himself, not isolated from everyone but not particularly close to anyone. Like a tide flowing back and forth, always out of everyone’s reach. 

When Justin finishes his essay; a half-assed attempt he isn’t particularly proud of, but can’t bring himself to care since it’s completed, he finds someone standing in front of his desk, looking down at him. 

Justin looks up, seeing tousled dark brown hair and matching brown eyes that reveal that Theo does appreciate Justin’s wandering eyes, and isn’t put off by Justin’s staring. 

“You want to get out of here?” Theo simply says, with the hint of a smile.   
  


* * *

This thing between them stays a secret. Theo’s a pureblood, with a Death Eater for a father. He can’t be seen with Justin. A _muggleborn_. What would people say? What would people think? 

It continues into sixth year. During the first day of lessons, Theo pulls Justin into an empty classroom, pushing him back against the wall and kisses him. Justin kisses back, sinking into the kiss as Theo’s palm rests on Justin’s stomach and thinks that this is what heaven feels like. 

The feeling doesn’t last long when Theo and Daphne Greengrass walk into the Great Hall the next week holding hands. 

From the Hufflepuff table, Justin’s stomach drops as his eyes find Theo and Daphne’s intertwined hands. Theo’s eyes find Justin’s from across the Great Hall, but they’re blank, expressionless; like he’s a statue. They break eye contact as Daphne tugs on Theo’s sleeve, giggling at him. 

Justin thinks that whatever they are would die with Theo dating Daphne. It doesn’t. A month goes by with no contact. Not that it was hard; Theo and Daphne are attached at the hip and it made Justin want to run for the hills at the sight of them together. So he discretely avoided them at the sound of Daphne’s giddy giggles as she laughed at something Theo said. 

Until Theo pulls Justin in a broom cupboard one day in October. Justin swears as he stumbles into Theo, who catches him with sturdy arms. 

“Don’t you have to be kissing your girlfriend?” Justin asks bitterly, eyes narrowing. 

“You jealous?” Theo asks, lip curling in a smirk. 

“No,” Justin lies unconvincingly. 

Theo puts his lips onto Justin’s, putting an end to the conversation. 

* * *

  
  


Justin soon catches on that Theo isn’t a conversationalist. All of Justin’s attempts at initiating a conversation end with Theo kissing Justin, making Justin’s head spin and forgetting what he had said. 

Justin and Theo meet up more frequently, sneaking into empty classrooms, or broom cupboards. Justin sees that Theo is becoming more desperate, his kisses seem frantic, like he’s trying to prove a point. 

It all makes sense one day in November, why Theo chose _him_ , when Theo sinks to the floor in the broom cupboard, resting his head against the wall. Justin sits down beside him, their knees knocking. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re a pawn in someone else’s game?” Theo asks Justin, turning his head to face him. Justin sees the exhaustion, the defeat in Theo’s face. In this moment, Theo looks older than his sixteen years of age. 

“Do you?” Justin asks. 

Theo nods his head. “Everyday.”

Justin is just a pawn in Theo’s game of rebellion; resisting against his father’s wishes in the only way that he knows how; having a secret tryst with a muggleborn. With Justin, Theo can rebel against his father all he wants, knowing he is rebelling against his father without Nott Senior ever finding out what his son does from the time he steps off the Hogwarts Express. 

Using the people around him as pawns is the only thing Theo knows how to do; how he can he know any better when his father has done the exact same thing to him ever since he was born?  
  


* * *

Justin tells himself over the Christmas break that he’ll put an end to whatever this is with Theo. He’s not a pawn in anyone’s game, and Theo can’t be using people like this. 

He repeats this to himself the moment he arrives at Hogwarts, but his resolve breaks the moment Theo pulls Justin in a for a kiss in a deserted corridor near the library. 

“I missed this,” Theo whispers, lips ghosting over Justin’s. “Daphne’s not as half as good of a kisser like you are.”

“Then why are you with her?” Justin asks, voicing the question that he’s been wanting to ask ever since Theo and Daphne starting dating. 

“Because I have to,” Theo responds, like it’s a fact. 

“You don’t have to do anything,” Justin continues. “You can do whatever you want.”

Theo frowns. “I’m not like you. I don’t have a choice.”

“Of course you have a choice,” Justin snaps. “Everybody has a choice. You’re making a choice right now, to be here with me while your girlfriend is in the Slytherin common room fawning over you.”

“Well I’m here now, aren’t I?” Theo responds. “So why are we arguing instead of kissing?” Theo pushes Justin gently against the stone wall, his palm resting on Justin’s chest as he leans in, taking Justin’s breath away with just a simple kiss.

* * *

Justin knows Theo is trouble. But he just can’t stop kissing Theo back when Theo puts his lips on top of his. Justin knows this — whatever this is — will just end in disaster. A hasty, hormonal fuelled mistake that is bound to end up in flames; Theo has a girlfriend. One that likes him, despite Theo not liking her back. This thing between them will end in disaster, and not just because Theo is seeing someone; because it started as a way for Theo to quietly rebel against his father. A rash decision made when Theo’s hands were still shaking at his father’s letter, at the expectation that he would become a Death Eater, without even a thought about maybe it just wasn’t what Theo wanted for his life.

Despite all this, despite knowing that sneaking around the castle just to spite Theo’s father while Theo’s girlfriend is unaware of what Theo does when they’re not together is all kinds of wrong, despite this being dangerous and risky and could blow up into flames if they’re ever caught, Justin kisses Theo back. 

Theo has Justin where he wants him; his back against the wall and his lips on his. 


End file.
